Saturday, January 14, 2012
Polar City Red interview
Hey friends... I thought you might be interested in reading a recent article that came out in Hollywood Stars entertainment magazine about a new book I'm writing. Polar City Red is a look at life after global warming destroys the habitable parts of the Earth, forcing human beings to migrate to the great northern frozen tundra. How will the human race survive on a planet that has rejected our presence? Enjoy the article and look for the book, Polar City Red, to come out this summer.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Free Kindle Books
I really didn't plan to use this blog for advertising, but since we're giving two of my books away free, I don't guess it's really advertising. For two days only (January 13th and 14th), if you have a Kindle reader or application, we're giving away Escape to Destiny and Ghost in the Dark. These are the first two books in the Galactic Axia adventure and young reader series.
Just click on these covers to go directly to the Kindle Store for your free copies of Escape to Destiny and Ghost in the Dark.Oh yeah, and since I'm violating my own rule of non-advertising on this blog, I might as well mention that I've begun a limited editing and proofreading service. If you write, and you think you need someone to lookat your, I may be able to help. Please visit my Editorial Services page at my website.
OK, that's the last bit of advertising. Now for sports..... Or is it weather next? Can't remember.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Thanks for 2011
As we finish 2011 and go into 2012, I want to thank all of my special friends, especially you, for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
Why? You ask why? What kind of excellent advice did you send me in 2011 that changed my life. Here are a few of the wonderful changes to my life I've had the pleasure of experiencing. For one....
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans-fats I consumed in 2011 and will in 2012.
I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I can't have a drink anywhere except at home because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO YOU, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .
THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me when I bend over.
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don't send the link to this blog to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician.
Oh, and by the way:
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read blogs with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.
Oh yeah, one more thing.... Anyone who doesn't order at least one of my books from my website www.jimlaughter.com will grow a second nose and suffer a lifetime of nasal drip. I know this to be true because -- well, just because.
NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A GREAT DAY…
Why? You ask why? What kind of excellent advice did you send me in 2011 that changed my life. Here are a few of the wonderful changes to my life I've had the pleasure of experiencing. For one....
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans-fats I consumed in 2011 and will in 2012.
I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I can't have a drink anywhere except at home because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO YOU, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .
THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me when I bend over.
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don't send the link to this blog to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician.
Oh, and by the way:
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read blogs with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.
Oh yeah, one more thing.... Anyone who doesn't order at least one of my books from my website www.jimlaughter.com will grow a second nose and suffer a lifetime of nasal drip. I know this to be true because -- well, just because.
NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A GREAT DAY…
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